Norman was a very normal middle aged man. Entirely predictable with a rumbling paunch, hunched hairy shoulders and feet that let off hefty fetid fumes whenever he removed his socks. Norman lived alone in an apartment that desperately needed the attentions of a gay man with genius level interior design skills. It could also have defeated an obsessive compulsive cleaner.
Norman worked as a truck driver, delivering Ice-cream of particular quality. It was far too sweet with hardly enough real cream in it, but Norman didn't mind. He never ate any of it anyways.
As a truck driver, Norman Prized his truck and always keep it in good working condition, well oiled and as clean as he felt was masculine. He liked to go for drinks after work with several other truck drivers, sharing daily tribulations and victories over pints of cheap beer. He was not usually a heavy drinker.
On his birthday however, he decided he had earned a night out on the town. What was 45 years of life on earth worth if he couldn't risk his liver now and then. Cheap, uninspiring beer was guzzled down aplenty. Off key songs were sung with piercing gusto with his mates and Norman retired to his apartment a little closer to the morning then usual, barely making it to his bed before conciousness abandoned him.
The next morning heralded with cottony vile tasting mouth and an unpleasent sensation above his head, similar to the feeling one might have if a leper gnome had taken up residence in one's skull and was merrily throwing explosives around.
Norman got up painfully. He brushed out the vile dryness in his mouth. He blearly whiffed his hairy armpits and realised only a long hot shower might help. He threw down his clothes, wondering whose vomit stained his knee and turned on the faucet. He enjoyed the feeling of clean hot water slushing away the previous days grime. He look down leisurely and felt something strange. Something was missing.
Norman was a sensible man. What he was witnessing was impossible. There had to be a logical explanation. He was angling himself in a funny way. He just couldn't see around his unhealthy belly. He was still drunk.But careful investigations with his eyes and hands and his most strained contortions still didn't reveal his mose prized possession. It was a definite fact. His penis was missing! So were his family jewels!
In an utter panic, Normal threw on his clothes and ran down to the street. He cursed at the taxis that rushed past and made obscene gestures. When one mercifully stopped, Norman frenziedly directed it towards the hospital. He screeched insanely when traffic blocked his cab just a block away from the hospital and feeling reckless, he ran the rest of the way.
Not being a man who did any exercise normally, when Norman reached the ER, his red face, bulging eyes, gasping lungs and general mien of being at death's door convinced the doctors of the seriousness of his condition. He was swiftly taken in to see a doctor and his nurse.
"What is the problem?" asked a lean young looking man and the nurse took his pulse and blood pressure.
"I've lost my penis!" Norman gasped. The doctor asked for him to repeat. "I'VE LOST MY PENIS!" he yelled. For a full minute, the doctor and pretty nurse looked over him with wide eyes.
"I see," said the doctor. "please wait here a moment," he said before leaving.
Norman was feeling quite frustrated until a team of men in white appeared and suddenly Norman was escorted rather ungracefully, he was busy struggling and shouting, to a ward clearly filled with crazy people. He was also unceremoniosly sedated.
It was two days before Norman got to see another doctor. He was quite calm at this point. Sedatives were becoming his new best friend.
"So, what brings you here?" asked a friendly older lady in ugly glasses and frizzy hair. There was a sign on her desk, probably her name but Norman couldn't read it. He calmly repeated what he had told his previous doctor. "I see, and where exactly did you loose it?" she asked.
"I dont know" said Norman, "That's why i'm so worried."
The frizzy haired doctor seemed to think carefully for awhile then carefully said, "Is it possible you never had one to begin with?"
Norman thought this was preposterous, "I am a man!" he stated, "I must have a penis!"
"That is very true," she said slowly. "A man probably would have a penis." Doctor frizzy adjusted her spectacles, "however, are you sure you are a man?"
Norman was outraged. "How dare you question my masculinity? I would know who and what I am wouldn't I?!"
"It is possible to sometimes get confused," said Doctor frizzy. "It's quite common during times of stress. Sometimes one needs to take a moment to take some stock of the situation. You might like to try it."
Norman's outrage hadn't abated, but now curiosity rose it's perky head. It was true he hadn't really considered himself in awhile. In fact, now that he reflected on it, he hadn't seen his penis in awhile. couldn't remember when to be perfectly frank. Still, "I know I am a man," he said with just a tad of uncertainty. "I shave every morning."
"So do some women," said Doctor frizzy.
"I have a very hairy chest... and back!" insisted Norman. Doctor frizzy inclined her head and repeated her previous phrase. "I drive a truck. I like to watch football.... and I have no interest in dresses." Doctor frizzy at this point only stared back knowingly. Norman began to feel uncomfortable. His last point wasn't true. "Well, ok I do like to wear dresses... but only in private!"
"Why would you want to hide a part of yourself?"
"Because... because... men dont wear dresses." Norman looking down at his hospital issued pajamas's. The knees were faded down and his hands lay on top. Now as he considered them, it was quite apparent that his hands were quite... feminine. under the loose buttons, his chest wasn't that hairy after all and perhaps he didn't really have moobs...
"What if you are not a man?"
Norman considered it. "But how could I be a woman?"
"Perhaps you dont want to be?" Doctor frizzy now smiled sympathetically.
"Why not?"
"You will have to tell me, I couldn't possibly tell you," said Doctor Frizzy taking off her glasses to clean them.
"Well, perhaps it's because... I would be a very ugly woman and ... well... I've never been interested in men and... to do the things I want to do, I have to be a man.
"What if you could be quite an attractive woman who is also interested in women and likes to do the things you do?" offered Doctor frizzy calmly.
Norman thought about it. It was quite hard and he was sure his brain was overheating just a little. It was all because of those silly sedatives. "Well, if that were true..." he began, "then perhaps... It's ok that I lost my penis."
"Perhaps you never needed it anyways," said Doctor frizzy.
"Without it, I couldn't say I was a man, could I?" offered Norman. An affirmative no was delivered back. "I suppose I'll have to change some things. I can't call myself Norman."
"Try Norma."
Norman considered it. Yes, Norma was quite fine, and at least now, he... well she.. .could wear that pretty yellow and blue dress she'd bought a year ago. Well wear it outside at least. "Thank you Doctor frizzy!" She said standing up to shake the doctor's hand.
"That's not my name," said the doctor with a smile, "But we can talk about that in our next session," she said shaking Norma's hand.
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