The end had come. In fact it came three weeks ago. It hard started with innocuous news reports of customers in Elements mall going insane, ripping up their Gucci handbags and attacking people around them. One report became two, then three then suddenly they were talking about a possible epidemic.
SARs had mutated, or maybe it was H5N1 or maybe it was swine flu. Diane didn't care. That was what scientists were for, to figure this shit out. What she cared about was the fact that first, they closed Elements, then all the other malls. They they started closing down the luxury stores. LV stores, Gucci, Prada, Coach. That was when Diane had a hissyfit worthy of a reality show. For her Armageddon had arrived.
Then the epidemic spread like wildfire. It didn't matter if anyone went shopping or not, people started to go silly, crazy then oddly carnivorous with a predilection for tearing at the necks and ripping open the skulls of nearby people. Diane took it seriously then, She couldn't shop without her head. She barricaded herself inside her fifth floor walk up. She closed the blinds and she kept her internet on. She could live without shopping for a few weeks. It would be like a retreat. She could diet while she waited.
Three weeks passed during which the news reported that German scientists had isolated the cause. A mixture of industrial chemicals in milk products, mystery meat sold as "pork" and strange fumes in air pollution had created a unique organism that latched on to brain stems and highjacked higher brain function. Whatever that meant, Diane didn't understand. She did understand the words "no known cure".
Diane first cried about missing what would have been great sales on shoes had zombies not decided to ruin it for everyone. Then she cried when she looked out her window and saw zombies ripping at their designer clothes and getting blood on their shoes. Finally she cried because she ran out of water.
There was nothing else for it. She liked how skinny she was getting but the lack of hydration was wreaking havoc on her skin. She couldn't stay here anymore. There was a news report telling survivors to make for the ferry. A boat was specifically waiting to take non-zombies like her out of Hong Kong.
It took her three hours to find the perfect outfit. She got her stretchiest skinny jeans and her favourite Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirt. She chose sensible Timberland hiking boots, worn only once when a date had insisted they go for a hike.Lucky for her, she could never throw out perfectly good footwear.
But she couldn't leave behind her collection. How could she. These shoes were her pride and joy. She packed them all, as many as she could into various handbags. She slung them over her shoulder and stealing herself, walked down her stairs and out the rickety front door.
Hell awaited her. Zombies lurched and groaned about in terribly twisted ways. Drooling and dragging perfectly good Choo sandals across the ground. If she had thought that body odor had been bad in the summer days, the stench was nigh overwhelming now.
Diane tried to mimic them. Some newscasters had suggested it. It didn't work. The zombies seemed to know that she was alive and delicious! They converged on her. Diane squealed and ran. It was all downhill so it seemed OK at first. Just a little dodging here, quick turns there.
Until Queen's road. There was a huge wall of zombies lurching about, unfashionably dirty. Diane tried to run around them, but they followed her! She dodge and evaded but her heavy bags were weighing her down. Tears slid down her face as she realized what she would have to do. Sacrifice some for the survival of others. She started rummaging and pulled out an old pair of Burberry boots. The heels were scuffed anyways. She chucked them at the zombies.
Maybe they smelled like her or they still had a taste for good shoes. They all went to the boots. Diane kept running. More kept appearing though! Diane reached in, she had no time to consider and when she pulled out her Christian Louboutin's she wept openly as she threw them at the zombies. They had killer heels she had always thought, and she was right. One went right through the eye of a green zombie and down he went. Others paused to pick up what had been thrown, ripping right out of the eye socket with the eyeballs still attached.
Well, if she was to give her up most treasure possessions, then she might as well have made them count. She started to pull out other heels and aimed for the heads. When she pulled out flats, she spun them, like boomerangs. They didn't come back, but they took out two at once. When she got boots she aimed at larger groups, trying to trip them making them all stop at once and block others.
Finally she could see the ferry ahead. Armed guards stood at a makeshift iron fence. They were gesturing at her to come. Some were shooting at the zombies behind her. She could feel the horde behind her gradually thin.
She was so close! So close, when she tripped. A gnarled, smelly, twisted hand hung on to her ankle. "Let me go!" she screamed. She kicked at the zombie. He was a green with wilting black hair and eyes that pointed in odd directions. He was wearing an Armani suit. She reached into her bag. Only one pair of shoes left. Manolo Blahnik sandals. Her favourite pink pair with pretty straps. Oh were it not so. The choice stood before her, shoes or ankle. Shoes... or ankle!?
The people behind the fence called out to her. "come! quick! The boat will be leaving soon!" Diane looked at them. They were so badly dressed. Like Hipsters! Could she be with them? She looked at the zombies, at their filthy branded clothes. They were so smelly.
She threw the Sandals as hard as she could. One bonked the zombie right on his head. The other impaled in his forearm. He released her his other hand reaching for the bloody sandal in his arm.
Diane got up and ran. As she ran she dumped her purses. What good was a Coach bag if her shoes didn't match it? What good was a clutch when she would never party without her Manolos. She was weeping as she rushed through the gate.
People congratulated her. She was hugged and patted on the back. They said, "Don't worry. We will take care of you. I'm sorry you lost so much already."
Diane nodded, "My shoes!" she wailed. Her life as she knew it was over. Was there life after Manolos?
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